OK, most of us decide to be monogamous when we marry.... so why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're jerks, or bitches. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
- We are prisoners of our instincts
The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. Each person is different, but it is generally (but not always) the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions.
Why is that you ask? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years! Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive.
Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical needs. Humans are not monogamous by nature. We attempt to be faithful without the right conditions in place and are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
- Holding back our Needs
We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) -- the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) -- and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons.
Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the "water" will eventual break through the "dam."
In short, humans have set very difficult objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing. This rarely happens.
- Physical Drive
No longer finding partner sexy or attractive
If you do not stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had when you first met your partner, there is a good chance that your partner will look at you differently... sad but true.
If you do not stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had when you first met your partner, there is a good chance that your partner will look at you differently... sad but true.
Sex may be readily available with another
Depriving a spouse of his or her sexual needs -- (you don't "feel like it" or have a headache) If sex is available elsewhere, why would you not go there?
Current partner is unavailable for sex
Spending long periods of time away from one's spouse can lead to thoughts of straying. Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn't so bad, but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to temptation. And don't think this doesn't happen. When was the last time you were away from your regular sex partner for a few weeks? And can you honestly say that you didn't feel a need to satisfy that "itch" that can only be scratched by a sex partner? Uh huh... I saw you lookin'... what were you thinking?
Spending long periods of time away from one's spouse can lead to thoughts of straying. Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn't so bad, but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to temptation. And don't think this doesn't happen. When was the last time you were away from your regular sex partner for a few weeks? And can you honestly say that you didn't feel a need to satisfy that "itch" that can only be scratched by a sex partner? Uh huh... I saw you lookin'... what were you thinking?
No sexual variety
The same hum drum boring sexual routine will be tiresome in short order. An array of adventurous sexual delicacies will keep you wanting more and wondering what will be next. A sexual partner other than your "regular" certainly provides this!
The same hum drum boring sexual routine will be tiresome in short order. An array of adventurous sexual delicacies will keep you wanting more and wondering what will be next. A sexual partner other than your "regular" certainly provides this!
Less sex
The more sex you have the more satisfied you are. Here's some earth shattering news for you...You'll go out looking for more if not enough at home.
The more sex you have the more satisfied you are. Here's some earth shattering news for you...You'll go out looking for more if not enough at home.
- Emotional Needs
No longer feeling accepted, desired by another
You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don't feel accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you will always be looking for that person who will give you all these things. And when that person comes along, you'll be tempted by their warm, fuzzy fruit.
You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don't feel accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you will always be looking for that person who will give you all these things. And when that person comes along, you'll be tempted by their warm, fuzzy fruit.
The challenge is not exciting and boredom sets in
The sex is fun, you're physically stimulated, but you are not emotionally stirred. And the whole mood, scene or companionship can become boring. Taking part in exciting activities with another sex partner will keep the thrill in your social life.
Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current relationship
Just because you're satisfied, that does not mean your partner is. The only way you're going to know this is by communicating with one another. Is your regular sex partner satisfied? Your mate will stray if you don't discuss things...
Just because you're satisfied, that does not mean your partner is. The only way you're going to know this is by communicating with one another. Is your regular sex partner satisfied? Your mate will stray if you don't discuss things...
- Reality check - there is no eternal bliss
When a person succumbs to temptation, they have probably already forgotten what attracted them to their partner in the first place, and lost sight of the chemistry and infatuation they once experienced for that person. It is a delusion to believe that a relationship should always progress smoothly on the road to eternal bliss. However, focusing on the negative will lead one to perceive that they are so miserable that they seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere.
Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A relationship requires lots of maintenance. Neglecting your spouse will continuously erode your relationship to a point where cheating WILL happen.
If you become involved with another person, you owe it to yourself to be honest with them, and if at all possible with your spouse. Creating lie upon lie will eventually hurt everyone involved. Take a close look at your relationship and do everything you can before seeking happiness with another person.
Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks, eventually it will need to be grained, fertilized and trimmed or before you know it, you'll have weeds all over the place. Something to think about.
No comments:
Post a Comment